Warning: my (post) teen angst bullshit has a word count.
Depression has been kicking my arse lately. I’ve been crying pretty much any time I’m not at work or concentrating on something, having pretty bad suicidal thoughts and generally hating myself despite knowing that at least some of those reasons are irrational. Living just doesn’t seem appealing compared to the idea of never pissing people off and feeling like I make their lives worse again. My escitalopram seems to have stopped working, so I’m going to make a doctor’s appointment after the weekend, and I guess I might get referred again? Therapy kind of stopped helping towards the end, and I think it might just be that I need to medicate the shit out of thus situation, but I really don’t know. I’m meant to be having a party in a couple of hours so that’ll help my mood temporarily; just got to stop crying for long enough to have fun. Feeling pretty scared and vulnerable right now, my brain (and my body for that matter) don’t seem to want me to survive. I wish I was stronger.
You better be joking